6 Do's and Don'ts of Marriage

March 21, 2014

Love or arranged a lot of work is involved in creating a successful marriage.

A happy, healthy and long lasting marriage doesn't happen in the twinkle of an eye. 

New couples look smitten in love with each other, but why is it that down the line few marriages become bland, cracks begin to show and at times end up in divorce? 

I have been married for 5 years. Our marriage isn't devoid of rough patches, as it is in all marriages from time to time. Nevertheless as a couple we always make it a must to work through thick and thin. Marriage is working as a team and being each other's lifetime companion.

But there are things you need to do and avoid in order to create a healthy happy married life.
Here they are....


1. Stop Winging
Complaining about your spouse to your near and dear is a time waster. Asking family and friends to take sides against your spouse is detrimental to your relationship. Behave like the adults that you are. 

Talking to somebody else about your problem might give you some false sense of relief, but believe me in the long run, it will be the catalyst to your marriage falling apart. 

2. Avoid including third person in your conflict resolutions. 

Lots of marriages nowadays are on the brink of divorces, primarily because couples allow third parties in their lives, to help sort out their personal issues. Bear in mind nobody, not even your parents or closest friends should be allowed to make decisions in regards to your married life.

If you still feel the need for external advice book an appointment with a marriage counsellor. He/she being a professional, will  be in a better position to guide you given they know nothing about you.There is a better chance at getting your marriage back on tracks in terms of fair judgement and advice.

3. Don't be violent 

Are you aggressive towards your spouse? Do you raise your hand on him/her? Then you have to be ashamed of yourself. Beating your spouse is COWARDLY and inhuman. Illtreating your wife or husband not only means you are a danger to your own family but a THREAT to the society as well. 
Menacing your spouse only demonstrates your level of immaturity. It shows your inability to handle things peacefully. Domestic violence including verbal, sexual, physical and emotional abuse is traumatic and threatening to any marriage. Seek help before it gets too late!!

4. Do not pack your bags and leave for every given reason.

I have been a witness to many such instances. Packing your bag and leaving is childish and unwise. Marriages are meant to have its ups and downs. When you are going through a rough patch, take time to think and reason. Never walk out on issues that can be fixed. Wise up and assume responsibility!!

5. Do not be possessive

Do you feel jealous that your wife/husband has lots of friends and colleagues of the opposite sex?Are you mad because he/she has reached home 10 minutes late?
Angered because he/she went out to shop?
Anger, extreme jealousy are signs of possessiveness.
Lots of marriages today are doomed because of this possessive behavior. You cannot control every aspect of your spouse's life. It's unhealthy in any kind of relationship. Your unruly behavior will take a toll on your marriage and gradually draw your spouse away from you.

6. Do not Pretend

Do you feel you were married to one and ended up with another? Are you or your spouse full of pretenses? How long can you keep that pretentious mask on? A marriage founded on false pretenses can have fatal results. 
You must have heard or come across people getting married under false pretenses, only to obtain their Green Card or Permanent Residency in a country. Pretending to love someone while you are busy sorting out your life is unacceptable. Remember what you send out will come back to you!!


1. Respect each other 

Respect is crucial to a marriage. 
Name calling, humiliating, making fun, talking sarcastically, blaming, being revengeful and spiteful, ignoring you spouse are signs you have forsaken respect in your marriage. Approach each other with respect and love. 

Avoid using abusive words even if you are having a discussion. Respect in a couple creates mutual understanding. Make use of words like "Thank you" "Please" more often in your conversations. It means that you respect each other's opinions and values. Give and take respect.

2. Encourage your spouse

As a married couple you are each other's primary support and encouragement. In the last 5years that I have been married, constant encouragement of one another is what made us achieve what we have until now. Just like athletes need encouragement to feel valued and reach the top, so do married couples. My husband very often tells me "I believe in you". This sentence might seem simple but it gives me immense power, boosts my self esteem; and makes me feel I can overcome any obstacle. 

3. Do things often as a couple

Enjoy every single moment you have together
The one thing that I love doing as a married couple is doing everything together. Even insignificant things like cleaning, gardening, washing the car, cooking a meal becomes enjoyable when we do it together. 

Spend as much time as you possibly can as a couple. It will strengthen the bond between the two of you. It makes you realize that marriage can be fun if you are willing to put in the required effort. Remember after marriage the person you spend the most amount time with your husband/wife.Therefore why not use that time wisely and be merry.

4. Make decisions together

Successful marriages are those wherein the husband and the wife work as a team and offer each other's perspective of a situation, analyse and make a decision. Therefore from Day 1 of your married life, strive to share the responsibility of decision making. When it comes to finance, having kids, buying a house or car two brains are better than one. Whatever the outcomes, there are lesser chances that you will play the blame game given you were both involved in the decision making process.

5. Eat at least one meal together

You've come home after a long day at work. What better way than to share the experiences of your day over a meal with your loved ones? Am sure there are loads of things you would like to talk about. 
As a couple myself and my husband, we love meal times. It's the time we get to enjoy each other's company, laugh to our hearts content and unwind sharing our thoughts and feelings over good food and wine:) Eating together has helped us connect better on different levels.

6. Communicate 

Do you communicate enough with your spouse? Communicating with each other helps set things right. It has the power to clear confusions, make amendments and nurture your relationship. Refrain from "saving up" all the pinches for them to explode later.

However minor the issue might be, sit, have a chat about it, deal with it straightaway. Be wary to use the right tone while talking. Nobody likes to be bossed around. Being authoritative or threatening while communicating will only make things worse. Be gentle, loving and tolerant and allow your relationship to flourish beautifully. 

For those who are yet to be married or newly married, take time and effort to lay the foundation of your marriage. It will ultimately bear its fruits. Remember to make each other feel protected and loved at all times. 

For those who have been married for years.......
Do you have a list of Do's and Don'ts in your marriage? 
What did you do to create a successful marriage? 
I would love to hear from you.

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  1. You Ask!
    What did you do to create a successful marriage?
    My reply "to do complete faith on my self and on MY SPOUSE"


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